Whether you go to church or read the Bible, I’m sure you’ve heard of the creation story. You probably also heard of the fall of man. Genesis chapter 2 tells us that after God formed man, He gave commands.
“16 And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: 17 but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.” (KJV).
We see two keywords in verse 16: “every” and “freely”. God indicated that man might have of "every" tree of the garden, and man may "freely" eat. These words represent abundance and access. God provided for man in ways he did not even know he needed. Verse 17 then states the caution, which has the keyword, "the" (indicating one item) tree of the knowledge of good and evil. What happens in Genesis chapter 3 is the “fall, ”where man decided that the one tree that was not available was worth risking the abundance that God provided.
The fall of man (man's disobedience to God) stems from one simple fact that we emulate till this very day: our focus on lack. Most of us attend to what we do not have and make it our lifelong mission to obtain those things. However, by taking a closer look at the story, we see that when we don’t have something that can be acquired, it can mean that it is not meant for us to acquire. When we focus on the one thing we lack, we negate all the other things that we do have, and if not careful, we lose everything trying to attain that one thing.
This stands true in our relationships: we make the things we lack the focal point, because it’s easier. When you feel something is missing in the relationship, rather than moving on and trying to find it elsewhere, first look at what the current one has to offer. We are too quick to point out the flaws in our relationships, thus, failing to celebrate all the unique qualities and accomplishments in each other.
Turning your attention to what you do have creates opportunities to identify the strengths in your relationship. You identify where you excel as a couple, what you love about each other, what both of you have accomplished. In practice, you both find ways to develop the missing parts in the relationship over time. Human nature seeks out what is missing in relationships outside of the relationship. At this point is where people say, "it is easy for me to talk to this person," or "it's like this person understands me. "It always feels good to gain what you lack, but at what cost? Eve ate off the tree and saw it was so good that she shared it with her husband.
Focusing on lack is a sure way to deviate from the path to a successful, healthy relationship. Attend to what you already have. Put in the work together to develop the relationship. Remember, where your attention is, is where your energy is applied, and since energy is neither created nor destroyed, it means you are directing your energy to building your relationship.
Shift your focus.
