In essence, marriage is the joining of two individuals in a union. Two individuals unite as one, coming together to form a bond. This union must exist equally for both parties. The frustration of marriage stems from one person being more committed to the partnership than the other. It is difficult to explain on paper, but I will surely try.
When one party is more committed than the other, the committed party develops a sense of lack of security, safety, and comfort in the union. This leads to actions like distrust, doubt, and fear. Most reactions, anger, lashing out, fighting, and destroying property, are all responses to fear, the fear of a marriage that doesn't work out, losing one's sense of security, experiencing failure, and facing uncertainty.
Fear is a strong emotional response that causes one to be on their toes. In fearful situations, your body releases stress hormones that cause you to be in a state of increased awareness, alertness, and responsiveness. This may endure for a while and may sometimes feel good.
When you pick up on every little thing or check text messages and social media posts, you start to pick out signs and actions that may or may not indicate something is happening; however, when this state persists, it leads to frustration, exhaustion, and eventually, a decreased self-worth. Fear is not your friend.
So when you find yourself in a union that feels unbalanced, and you find yourself responding to the things you fear, here are some ways to respond.
1. Open Communication: Share your fears with your partner honestly and openly. Be willing to express your concerns, insecurities, and worries without judgment. Encourage your partner to do the same.
2. Active Listening: Listen attentively and empathetically when your partner expresses their fears. Allow them to share their feelings without interruption or dismissal. Show that you value their emotions and perspectives.
3. Empathy and Validation: Acknowledge your partner's feelings and validate their experiences. Even if you don't share the same fear, empathizing with their emotions helps create a safe space for discussion.
4. Problem-Solving: Collaborate to identify and address underlying fears. Brainstorm practical solutions to alleviate concerns.
5. Support and Reassurance: Provide emotional support and reassure your partner of your commitment to the relationship.
6. Boundaries and Respect: Respecting each other's boundaries and needs is essential. Discuss how your fears affect your behavior and limits, and work together to find a comfortable balance.
7. Seeking Professional Help: If your fears are deeply rooted or causing significant distress, it's important to consider seeking guidance from a therapist or counselor. Professional help can provide valuable tools and strategies for navigating fear within your relationship.
8. Cultivate Trust: Focus on building and maintaining trust within the relationship. Trust is essential for feeling secure and safe, which can help alleviate fears.
9. Reflect and Self-Awareness: Reflect on your fears and triggers. Understand how your past experiences might influence your current emotions. This self-awareness can contribute to healthier communication and emotional responses.
10. Practice Patience: Overcoming fears takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and your partner as you work through these emotions together.
11. Focus on Growth: View challenges and fears as personal and relationship growth opportunities. By addressing and navigating fears constructively, you can strengthen your bond and increase your resilience as acouple.
Remember that fear is a natural human emotion that we all feel at different times in our lives. What we do with fear can harm us, our partners, and our relationship.
